how do you know...

“Shouldn't these oldest of hurts, by now, be bearing more fruit in us? Isn’t it time that our loving freed us from the one we love so that we, however shaken, endured- just as the arrow, drawn, endures the bowstrings, anxious to become more than itself? Because staying is nowhere.”

-Rainier Maria Rilke’s first elegy translated by Gary Miranda

When I have reached a point of discomfort, of enough, of exhaustion. I wonder if there is more work to do? Or is it time. Is it time that I just decide?

Do I decide the invisible wound is healed? Is that how it happens? 

Without physicality for feedback, how do I know if the wound is healed and no infection is present? What are the clues? 

Perhaps it is when I can breathe. When an old trigger doesn’t jangle in the same way, or if it does, the discomfort moves quickly.

Perhaps it is when I can tell the story. Or, stop telling the story. 

When I can both accept and laugh at my own, and others, shortcomings.

Is healed when I am more completely malleable to the moment? Responsive to what is here and now instead of being tugged by an invisible thread to another time and a different version of myself?

Is it related to my capacity to feel deeply, quickly, and keep going? Is it when I have become so familiar with the wound that I can call it by a name, describe its shape, feel, texture? And yet do so without the shame, anger or judgement?

I slow down in order to pay attention…what has changed.. sublty gently, what is coming together that I have been to distracted to notice?

Come out now, small inner one with the big loud voice, is this it?

What do you need? My love, my attention, And my belief that you are strong.

And who gives the permission? To tend or to fly?

Can I scoop you up into the air now? 

Can I love the scar tissue, drop any sterile idea of healing that feeds duality, and accept in the new paradigm it has already happened?

Who else is the authority on my inner landscape if not myself?

Am I healed when I decide I am?

HOW DO WE KNOW WHEN WE ARE HEALED?

Here are some reader responses…

“I think you are healed when you can forget.  You might remember you were angry in the way that someone tells you, wow, you were so angry, and you remember the fact that you were angry, but have forgotten the feelings.  Forgotten in a good way.  Not suppression, but letting go to the point that you don’t remember (the feeling) anymore.”

“When I feel like I can face difficulty and I have enough space inside to sit next to my struggles and try different approaches instead of feeling powerless to my reactions.”

“I feel more centered when I reflect on the situation. Not pulled into the trauma nor the reactions of myself or others. More able to look back and say “huh. That happened “

WHAT DO YOU THINK? I would love to know