What is Altars of Reconciliation to me?
Reconciling, there is first recognition and there is acceptance. There is something else there too, something immutable, intangible. Grace? But more rigorous, there could be perceived pain in approaching reconciliation . There seems to be a reflective aspect to it. Like here is what I must own in this situation. It is not passive to reconcile. So that is why acceptance is part of it, but not all of it. Reconciling could happen through change after you see the acceptance, see your part, and see how something could be different— could shift. Reconciliation is personal and daily. I need to reconcile this anger at this person over this situation. Where is my edge? What am I willing to accept as the relative truth, yet not willing to succumb to. Also how many things do I allow myself to have at once? Can I accept that this may be true, but also that it does not have to be that way, and also that I have a part in this situation and also that I do not have to take responsibility for what is not my part?
How do we reconcile with the earth and with our earthly bodies? Susan Thesanga says this:” We are at a critical point in the evolution of the human species. Our collective lower-self negativity expresses itself in our potential for suicidal pollution of the planet and in our capacity for armed self-destruction”. (pg 36/The Undefended Self) So how do we reconcile with this suicidal pollution of the planet? That we barrel headfirst into killing the very source of our nourishment, our survival. How does this relate to our collective rejection of mother, of female energy, or our own body?
Reconciling with the flow of life, reconciling with things being out of my control, reconciling with having myself, my presence, my moment to moment existence- within my control. The larger flow, out of my control. Some say that we chose our lessons before we are born, then are born into the families, and circumstances that will best give us the option to learn the lesson. (Nothing being a given because of free will) Where does this end? Do we choose everything and everyone? And there always will be factors that are unknown- and even if we have chosen the perfect life situation to learn our lesson, not only can we go off of it- but so can others. Because of free will someone else may be veering wildly off their own life course plan and affect yours.
This thing too- how we are affected and affect others. Reconciling with the fact that we are not alone, never alone. Always connected. When we try to not be connected, avoid or deny it, we are still in relationship to connection. The lower self- as I understand it, ultimately is about our saying no to connection. It is about not just separating in the terms of individuating, but severing- severing our connection to others, life force, our own highest self. Blocking. Refusing to give or receive. Trying to, at least.
In my life I have struggled to accept this piece. The affecting others and being affected part. Also the being projected on part. I want everyone to see me just as I am- my most authentic self. I want to demand others to see the true me- even if I cannot see it myself. Especially then. Is it a lower self statement to say- accept me damnit!? See the real me not some bullshit projection damnit! There is so much real need in that statement, yet the demand does not allow for warmth (compassion, light, love, humor.) The real need for my authentic highest self to be seen, and also the real need in our lifetime(s)is to discover that identity for ourselves.
Perhaps that is truly our realest need. To over the course of our life (lives) to locate, feel, live with, be with and from, love our most authentic being-ness. The thing that is just on the burning outside of our core star. That breath of manifestation that arises from the unmanifest. From the radiant emptiness. Yet is it too much to demand only the truest closest breath? I think of the elemental cycle- energy passing from unmanifest emptiness (ether) to manifest breath (duality/air) to quickened expansion (fire) to cleansing contraction (water) to the creation of something with enough weight and form that it can be held- and released. The spirit rising out of the corpse and back into the unmanifest, radiant emptiness.
This is what we are- so simple, so complete. This cycle over and over again- in the eons, and in the millisecond, a deep waving and weaving of the cycle in different speeds, dimensions and locations- over and over and over again.
This makes me feel- back to the beginning, both out of control and somehow in it. Or more- I feel I can rest in my connection and place in this- because nothing is outside of this cycle, not this word, thought or breath.
And you- you reader- when are you reading this? Not when I am writing it, yet I have you in mind- yet it is for you and for me. Yet this moment between us is outside of time, at least the kind of time that says you need to arise at 6 am tomorrow, and be at work by 9.