I am an improviser.
I rest into the mystery of the universe, and go with the flow. Follow intuition as things arise, keep myself loose, calm and flexible. And I am grateful for this ability.
But recently lessons of a different flavor have been coming. Lessons about discernment and choice. About free will.
I choose, I choose where my attention lays, what I invite, I choose how I connect. The universe like a cosmic menu, here are the items available, then here is what I select and then consume. This is what makes me. It is different than just being served, and figuring out how to deal with it.
Free will, feels like such a responsibility, and also like a deeply powerful place.

Sometimes my conscious mind makes a choice, but my unconscious makes a different choice. I am consciously saying yes to something, but there is also a no. No, I won't make space for that in my life, no I’m too busy right now, No that is not exactly how I want that to be, No I won’t do the work that is required.

When I become aware of this resistance, I am closer to healing the split. Before there is all blame and victimization, all desperation or hurt. But revealing these powerful conflicting forces within clears the path for true free will. Because if you don’t realize there are options/oppositions, how can you make a choice? When I realize that something I think I am saying wholeheartedly yes to continues to thwart me, I look for a hidden no. I realize I am not caught in the current of some force that is outside of me, I am caught in the eddy of my own internal struggle. As I perceive it, my power grows, my power to fully choose. Free Will.

These lessons first came to me through working in a Core Energetics session, which bases some of its philosophy on the pathwork lectures.
Here is a wonderful excerpt that addresses the Yes and No conflict.
To read the whole lecture go to, lecture no.125.

“When you discover specifically how you say no to a cherished fulfillment, you reach a major transition in your entire development, in your outlook on life. After such a discovery, you can never be the same, For the first time, you comprehend the fact that you do not have to depend on circumstances outside your control, that you are not a persecuted victim of an unfair and unkind fate.......................

..........Acknowledge it, draw it out further into consciousness and prepare yourself for finding the answer to the barrier.”

I want you to have all of your cherished fulfillment…..

WHAT ARE AREAS THAT YOU ARE COMPELLED BY A NO, AND A YES? Leave comments below. And, as always, Thanks for reading!